Helping Children Who Struggle to Make Friends

Making friends can feel easy for some children and incredibly hard for others. Many kids want to connect, play, and feel included, but something gets in the way — shyness, worry about being judged, not knowing what to say, or feeling unsure about how friendships work. The good news is that friendship skills can be learned, practised, and strengthened over time.

Children often assume that friendships “just happen,” but most friendships grow from small, simple steps. One of the most helpful things we can teach children is that they don’t need to be the funniest, loudest, or most confident person in the room to make friends. They just need a few reliable tools.

A great starting point is helping children notice the kids around them who feel safe and kind. Encouraging them to look for shared interests — like drawing, soccer, Lego, animals, or certain games — gives them an easy entry point. When children realise they don’t have to talk to everyone, just someone, the task feels less overwhelming.

Next, practising “friendship openers” can make a big difference. Simple phrases like “Can I play too?”, “Do you want to sit with me?”, or “I like that game — can we do it together?” help children feel prepared rather than anxious. Roleplaying these moments at home builds confidence and reduces the fear of getting it wrong.

It’s also important to help children understand that friendships take time. Not every attempt will turn into a best friend, and that’s okay. What matters is trying again, staying kind, and noticing the small wins — a smile from another child, a short conversation, or a shared activity.

Finally, children benefit from learning how to manage big feelings that come with friendship challenges. Mindfulness, grounding techniques, and talking about emotions help them stay calm when things don’t go as planned.

With gentle guidance, practice, and encouragement, children can develop the skills they need to make friends.