Teaching Assertiveness to Kids with Social Challenges

Assertiveness is a key social skill that helps children express their needs, set boundaries, and navigate relationships respectfully. For kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or those who struggle with communication, learning to be assertive can be life-changing — especially when they’ve had difficult experiences or are working to reintegrate into school or community life. Teaching assertiveness to kids with social challenges can be quite challenging.

Unlike aggression or passivity, assertiveness is about speaking up calmly and clearly, while still respecting others. It’s the middle ground — where kids can say “no,” ask for help, or share their feelings without fear or conflict.

Many children with social challenges find it hard to know what to say in everyday situations. They may freeze, lash out, or avoid interactions altogether. That’s why practicing real-life scenarios is so important. For example:

• What do you say when someone stands too close and it makes you uncomfortable?

• How do you respond when a peer interrupts you or takes your turn?

• What’s a respectful way to say “no” to an invitation or activity?

These moments happen every day — in classrooms, playgrounds, shops, and homes. Helping kids rehearse assertive responses gives them tools they can use when emotions run high or when they feel unsure.

Role-playing, sentence starters, and visual supports can make assertiveness more accessible. For example, teaching phrases like “I feel…” or “I need…” can help children structure their thoughts. Practicing tone of voice and body language also builds confidence and helps them recognise how their communication is received by others.

It’s also important to model assertiveness as adults. When teachers and carers demonstrate calm, respectful communication — especially during conflict — children learn by example. Reinforcing small wins, like speaking up in a group or asking for help, can build a child’s sense of agency and self-worth.

For educators, support workers, and carers, assertiveness training isn’t just about communication — it’s about empowering kids to advocate for themselves, build safer relationships, and feel more in control of their world.

Whether you're working in a classroom, a youth program, or a therapeutic setting, assertiveness is a skill worth teaching — and practicing — every day.